Deep thoughts

Keep calm…?

Hola my dearest people! ❤ 😀

Right now I am pretending that it’s raining outside. Afcourse it doesn’t. So I turned off lights, lite the candle and I just turned Rainy mood verrrrrry loud. Yeah, you don’t need to say, I KNOW that I am crazy.

You know, many times I feel guilty for something I actually didn’t do wrong. I am not braking the rules. You know what I do? I rest. I relax. I calm down….. Do I do I really calm down? Do I ever actually calm down? Not really. As  you know, I am kinda busy person. Ok, not kinda, but very. I am training judo, blogging, drawing, singing in choir, playing in drama club, playing guitar…. When I came home I do my homework and than I start learning and studying. This is all I kinda do last times. Even if I am writing this blog, I feel like I am doing something wrong. Everytime I do something that is NOT studying, there is a voice in my head, saying to me: ‘Tara, Tara, don’t be lazy! Study, study, study! You have French test tomorrow, Physic on Monday, English test is on Friday!!!!! Also your witch for Chemistry will start asking questions YOU’ and  so on and on and on and on and on and on………

And I HATE that worried part of me. I HATE this stupid, *******(sorry) VOICE in my head that destroys every weekend when i wanna rest. Yes, I don’t calm down often. We had to do test for physic whit 11 PAGES and I tried my best to do it and than my schoolmate forgot to take my test to teacher and when I get it i just yell and throw this test on the ground!!!!!!

I think that’s in my blood that I can’t stay calm. It’s like my trainer of judo said to me: You are strong, fast and not-giving up, but you can’t keep calm, do you? And yeah, she is right, That’s kinda me. I think my most peaceful moments are while writing this blog.

No matter how I try, there is always something on my mind. Good or not so good. I am so full of thoughts, fantasyes……… Like one Slovenian poet said:We are little like ants, but deep as a ocean and sometimes there is a Sun in us, celebrating it’s birthday. (It sounds better in my language :P) But what he said it’s true. We are little. But we are deep inside us too. And, yes, we can be so happy that it’s like Sun’s birthday is in us.

In the next years I’ll try my best to learn how to keep calm and I think that I will learn it one day. Because it’s important. It is. For me, because I wanna know life whit out stress. And I am the only one who can make that happen.

-Tara

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