Hy guys ❤
Today I feel very sad. Not just sad, angry too. A lot. Why? There are just to many reasons…Do you know how is when you forget milk on the stove and it boil and spread all around? This is how I feel. Why? Today Amber fell ON me on judo training and do I have to say that my arm hurts??-_- Also my stupid head hurts AGAIN(afcourse) and AAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWHGGHGGHHHHHHH everything is just so wrong. I came home hour ago and I have to study eanglish, chem and physic, but I just can’t. Nothing more to say. I can’t.
I am tired. I put in my backpack more than I can actually take. I want to do things that i can’t. I wanna be good at everything. And than i am always disappointment in the end. I know, I KNOW we are not robots. We DO HAVE limits. I know that I am imperfect, but why I still wanna be perfect? Why do i want so much, why can’t I be just happy whit who I am? Seriously folks, I don’t know. Maybe because I don’t have any a idea who might I be at all. Maybe I don’t know myself.
Today after judo training my trainer saw that something is wrong whit me. And I just started crying. She asked me I f I have too much things to do and I said yes. Because this is why I am so angry and sad. I am just working and working and working and training and studying and learning that i don’t have time on my own anymore. I sometimes need just to relax to, but as you know I can’t do that too, because I feel like I am doing something wrong.
And when I came how, i opened my eanglish book and started crying. And than I punched pillow sooooo hard that It flew across whole room. I have that moments, that angry moments…I express my feelings here, but sometimes i just stay angry. I am angry on whole world, but what can I do about it? I can cry, scream, jump, run, fly or whatever, but will that change anything? People who love me will just be worried, but that’s the last hing I want. The world don’t cares. It don’t cares if I am sad. It doesn’t care for anyone at all. And it’s so scary for someone so ambitious like me to see….How small we are. How not-important.
Do you ever feel like that too folks? Like there is whole ocean inside you, but you are still so small?
❤ u all