Hello my folks! ❤ J
I have sooooo many thing to tell you that I just don’t know where to begin.
It’s sunset. I hear rain falling on the roff, making me feel happy. I am in Vrsar, at Croatia near Slovenia. This place is beautiful. It has sea, forest, nice small town and it always fill me whit…peace? I loved this place. LoveD. Not anymore… I have to many(painful?sad?bad?) memories on it since last year. Around here happened some things…well…things I haven’t told you.
It was 1st May in year 2015. I was right here, in Vrsar. I was playing whit my friends on the volleyball playground. At first, I have to tell you that what happened was an accident. What happened wasn’t meant in the way it may looked like.
I was looking in flower behind me. Than… Than I turned my head. The next thing I remember was that I was kneeling on the ground, not knowing how did I get there. I had hands on my face, like I am crying, even if I wasn’t. And the only thing I knew was that something is really, really wrong. That something is wrong whit me. Whit…my eyes.
It was a stick. Big stick. And it flied exactly into my face. I didn’t wanted to out my hands off my face. I didn’t want to know what happened to…my eyes. But… I put them down. It was everything normal whit my right eye. Left… I saw only colors. No forms. No figures. Just colorful mess…. And I knew that I get hurt badly.
I am kind of person who is always full of thoughts. I can’t just think about nothing. I always have some strange and crazy ideas in my head. But when I was driving to the hospital… It was different. I wasn’t sleeping. I awake. I was just…empty. I remember some pieces, but not much more, even if I was traveling for 3 hours. And no, I wasn’t unconscious. I think i was just in so big shock that I couldn’t realize what was happening.
Don’t be afraid folks, I am ok now! I look normal(AND YES I HAVE BOTH EYES AND I AM NOT BLIND) and actually you cant see how serious injury I had on my left eye. I had operation and I was scared and shocked and I was in hospital one week and food was disgusting.-_- I wasn’t in school one month and I couldn’t train judo seriously to october. Yeah bad… But as I said, it’s ok now.
But the thing is that I will always had memory on what happened. I will never love this place like I did before. Like…Like I am never gonna forgive Tina. I will always be angry on her deep inside. Like I will remember every birthday how I felt into anxiety. I . I will always be sad while remembering how I meet Nick. Like I will always be sad while thinking about my first kiss. Like I will always be sad while walking near Johann’s house. I will always remember those sad things…
But I am not gonna just cry around today, you are probably sick of that. Yes, i will always remember sad things, but I will remember happy ones too. How I meet Ananya. How I created this blog. How I sang Do re mi in school. How i get 4 at maths test. How I was laughing whit Summer…………
Memories build us. Memories made us who we are. All memories. Happy ans sad. I fyou have traumatic memory like I have on Vrsar, it’s impossible to forget on that. But in true, we don’t need to forget. We need to remember. We have to learn how to live whit that memories. That’s making us stronger and teach us a lot to.
Today when we were coming in Vrsar I felt nuggat of anxiety in my mouth. Something wanting me to have a panic attack. But I didn’t let it. I said NO. And than it was better… I was powerful enough to went on volleyball playground. And I just smiled and want away…