Hello my folks!!! ❤ J
At first, I don’t wanna you to think that i always feel like I wrote below. Well… You will understand more after reading this 😉 .
Yesterday we went in little town on a party that is there every year. They always cook a lot of different sea dishes like fish, seals….. Before party we just went ‘walking around a little'(that means that we were walking 2-3 hours long). Well, I woulden’t mind normally, beacause I like walking around a little’, but yesterday I just didn’t felt like I want. But I still went…
On the party, music was too loud, colors to powerful and food was bad. Well, that’s how I saw it.
I was whit my family and friends, but they are all adults or little kids. No teen like me. Well we got one who is two years younger than me and we normally get along, but he wasn’t around this time.
Yes I wasn’t alone, but I still felt so… So forgoten. So invisible. So unimportant. So alone in all that. So lonley. It’s no secret that i often feel lonley. I have some days when I often feel like that, like I am alone, even if I am not. That’s why I want just write my blog when I am in bad mood. Because I am whit you guys. I feel connected whit all you. When I am writing I feel so unbrakeble. So strong and powerful. Like there is no one on this world that can do something to me. And I love that feeling.
And when I am alone whit my mind while I am feeling sad… In my mind there are always thoughts about world and this universe. Than about my friends and family. And about me. Me. I am wondering who I am and I know who I am. But still, I am thinking:’Who was I meant to be?’ I don’t have any a idea why I am asking myself that stupid question that doesn’t mean anything at all. I mean, we are who we chose to be, right? We are build from our memories, hopes, dreams and feelings. We are becoming ourselves trough the years. We aren’t just born brave, for example. We aren’t born friendly too. And no one was born evil, not even Voldemort.
I haven’t tell you anything about my parents yet… Well my childhood was a little different, because of them, but different in good way. My parents are both scientists. Actually they are dr.’s of biology. I grown whitout TV. While other five years old girls were watching Winx club, I was watching documentary films about universe, dinosaurs, Old Eygipt….(I can still tell you whole text in movie about life in deep sea J ) Well, you can’t say that that was totally usual childhood, right. I love those things, but… I more see myself in art. I know everybody expected another biologist in our family, but what to do if you more like to write and draw? Funny, isn’t it? Daughter of two biologists got chemistry 4 (B+, I guess).
I am sometimes thinking why I am not like my parents. But well, I am not that’s it. I am who I am.
When I am in bad mood I somehow I can’t help myself to feel like I disappointment my parents, even if I didn’t. I didn’t. They are proud on me and they love me no matter who I am. The same is when I remember on Nick or Tina or Johann. So here we are again. Memories.
Please, don’t understand wrong folks. I don’t always feel so negative and I am not always thinking about my bad memories. I am just… Me. My mood can change very quickily. I have days when I feel like I am unbrakeble, like I can touch the sky. Like there are no limits for me. Also I can feel so weak. Like I want just drop everything and cry. I know you would say that everybody is like that, but the thing is that people who know me personally know that this mood swinging goes to extreme when we are talking about me.
So please, don’t mind if I sometimes write some sad posts, because I sometimes just need that. When I am in sad-lonley mood I just have to do that to(as I said) don’t feel so alone anymore.
Whit love ❤