Peaces from my life...

Running

I am.

……

Someone.

I am….

14-years old girl. From small country Slovenia.

I was a happy child. my parents always said that. Whatever they said to me I just laughed and said:’Yessss!!!!!.’ Also, I was bullied a lot by other kids before i came to school. I had friends, but you know, they weren’t my…best friends. They didn’t ever had time for me. I only had Johann. I have so many memories on our friendship. How we were climbing on a tree and I fell off.  How we build an igloo every winter. How we had a snowball fight and I threw snow ball into his face and he started crying. How we were eating cake together…..


I meet Ananya when I was 6. How scared she was, when I first saw her. How I said to her:’Come on, let’s plaaaaaay!!!’ How she taught me how to draw harts. How we became best friends.


I remember teacher we had in third class. She was yelling at me because I was bad at maths. But than well…. We were small, but we already had competitions in writing. She wanted me to go, but I didn’t wanted. When competition ended she said to me that….that I should go. She said that….I can’t do some things other kids can. But she also said that I can’t do things others can’t. She said that I can write good about feelings. And even if i will always be angry because she was yelling at me, like all other teachers I will always remember her as someone who gave me….a start.


It was 3.3.2015. my 13th birthday. We were eating lunch at school than our teacher for Slovene came to our table…. And said:’Congrats Tina! You won competition in writing!’ I remember it so…closely. That feeling. I felt like…..like a tower inside me got bombed. Like all my hopes, ambitions and dreams are….gone. Forever. Like they have been destroyed in one moment. And I was smiling….And clapping… Even if happiness wasn’t what i was feeling.


It was summer at judo camp. Some months after that. I was still hurt in eye. And I was hurt inside to. I was afraid. Of the world. Of….myself. And than. BUUMMMM!!!!!  Tara falls in love. Whit someone who…. she knew before even by a name. And she becomes dunk of happiness. I. But inside I still felt…. wrong. Sad.


 

I remember judo training at December, nine months later. I wasn’t doing anything right and I was trying and trying and trying….. But I… couldn’t. At once…. Sounds were to loud. And i felt sooooo much pressure, like I have to hold the sky. I remember punching walls. I remember crying. I remember how I went home whit Summer. And she asked me what’s wrong. And………….I told. Everything. What happened. How I felt. How i still felt. And she said that she didn’t ever know any person who could express him/her self in so many ways as I can. I will never forget those words. How she said that sometimes you just have to go somewhere and….Scream. To let it out. And she said to me that I should start a blog.


……

So here I am now. Screaming. Screaming in my own way. Yes, I sometimes went to garden and screamed to the sky. Now i am drawing. Thinking and, afcourse, writing.  And I don’t feel so sad anymore.

I am sad when I think about Johann. But yesterday….. it was like some invisible force connected again. Only because he said that it’s gonna be okay.

I left Nick.

I… am forgiving Tina? Yes i am. this is how I feel last…hm, days? Week?

And I am happy to have Summer. I am so glad to have her. And Ananya. And Jess. And Amber. And Tris. And you folks and my family and other friends…..

I am not a superhero. I am not a witch. I am not the chosen one. I am not half god or Avatar.

I am Tara. The end.

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13 thoughts on “Running

  1. Oh my gosh Tara… this post is amazing…
    You’ve had a life like no other, you’ve lived it like no other would, and you’ve made an amazing job, because you haven’t given up. Don’t give up. And don’t stop running. Run Tara, run, and reach your goals

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hi, Tara. You’re blog is so cool! My name is Maddi, and I just found your blog. I read your most recent post and your story, and I wanted to tell you something. That there is hope. I’m a 14 year old as well, and I’m a Christian. My blog is godsbrightlight.wordpress.com. There is a way to have peace. And joy. And that Way is Jesus Christ. Do you know who He is? I’m here if you’d like to talk or hear more about Him. Jesus loves you so much. He’s there with you right now! I wanted to tell you that you are never alone. God is with you. I have found the hope I’m talking about. And peace and joy. I have found it in a loving God who cares for you and me, and everyone. He doesn’t want you to feel alone. He’s there. So, I will be praying for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. And one more thing, you ARE chosen. By God. He loves you more than you will ever know. Nothing could change His love for you. He loves you and me so much that He died for all of our sins so that we wouldn’t have to. You see, everyone is a sinner. And God does not like sin. Cannot have it. So He sent His one and ONLY son to die for us so that we wouldn’t have to. Since we are sinners that means we would have to die. But we don’t have to anymore because Jesus died for us! We are free! Jesus has broken the chains of sin! We can’t not sin anymore, but we don’t have to die. If we live in Him then we will have eternal life with Him and in Him. Again, I’m here. Blog: godsbrightlight.com

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The one person in your life, in fact in the whole world, that has the strongest influence, the power to change the direction in your life entirely is – yourself!
    Actually this makes things a lot easier, don’t you think? You don’t have to beg for hand-outs, assistance of any kind, nor do you have to convince anybody about anything.
    YOU are in sole and complete control over your own mind – and life!
    One good advice on the road: The world will always treat you like you treat the world!
    Smile!

    Like

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