Yaaaaaaaaaaaay ‘Flower in rainy day’ has 90 followers! thank you all! ❤ ❤ ❤ Some Loti’s friends are in our house and they are YELLING and I can’t wait on the moment when they would finally get out.-_- I was trying to study Phiysic, but they are to loud, so I decided to put headphones on my ears and write a blog post.
And I am gonna write about fear. In that moment, while I am writing this blog post I am the most afraid of….What will happen over five days. We will have Chem lesson again and our chem which will ask me again. And so I am afraid. Of her yelling. Of bad grade. Of disappointment. But also I know that all those things are maybe not gonna happen. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. I can’t know that now. So why I am even worried? it’s stupid to be afraid of future. Because future doesn’t exsist yet. We can’t let our crazy thoryes make us afraid. Right now swinging between those two thoughts…
I told you already how much I am afraid of failure and oblivion.
Also I am afraid of being disappointment. You know that I felt very down because of it, so I became afraid of it. Even more, I got very panic when i felt shadows of disappointment inside me. But I am letting that go.
Also, is still can’t help myself. I wanna be The Chosen one or superhero, but last times…. I am accepting myself more. Not that before I didn’t. I was proud on myself and I was always confident. Everything I wanna say is that I put ‘Tara’ as high as Superheroes and The Chosen ones. In my mind I am all that. That’s why I am not so scared of oblivion that i was.
I will never let go fear of losing my loved ones, that’s my greatest fear and I think it’s everybody’s.
Yup, failure is my biggest fear after that afcourse. Because it’s so strong, rooted deep inside me I can’t just let it go. But I am trying. And I will kepp trying and trying and trying. Maybe I will be able to let it go one day. Maybe not.
I was 10 when I started reading Harry Potter. Well…. I became obssesed whit Gryffindor. I wanted to be one of them. To be brave like they were. When i realized that my letter from Hogwarts may never came I was always wondering:’But If I would go, Will I be in Gryffindor?’. My mum always said that I am Gryffindor. I didn’t believe. I took a thousands of quizzes and I was kinda always in Gryffindor. But I still didn’t believe.
But I am Gryffindor. I realized that when I was able to escape from a whole I fell into. I realized it when my schoolmates were bullying one girl I don’t really know well, but I knew that she didn’t deserved that bullying. Because I knew how is to be bullied. And I sood up for her, when no one else haven’t. I realized that I am Gryffindor at heart 2 months and 1 day ago. When I broke up whit Nick. Before I didn’t know that I am even able to do this. Now I know that I am.
I hate being afraid. Hate, hate, hate. But I will always have fears, because I am only human. But I am Gryffindor. I am brave. Not because I don’t have fears, I have a whole bunch of them as you can see. But…. I accept them.