Hi folks!!! Yesterday, I haven’t had time for my blog, but am here today! Yaay! 🙂 And yeah, I got sick again(High five Tara, applause!!!-_-) and I just HOPE that I will be okay next week because I have maths, music and chem tests, apperance whit gitare AND judo competition. Wish me luck… But okay, let’s get to the point.
I am going to talk about something that happened exactly one minute after I posted Wednesday’s post ‘Love yourself’. And… and it socked me nearly to death. What happened…?
I checked out e-mail and at first, everything seemed to be normal. Only mails from WordPress… And than one that, well….wasn’t. It felt like someone shoot me through my brain. It was like… I knew the name I read, but…I just didn’t believe that I am actually seeing it. This name. On my name. Like in the old times. At first I was only saring and staring, but than I realized that what I saw was true. It turned my stomach around, I felt sick. I felt scared. But… I clicked on it.
And it was from Nick. No words. Not anything. Nothing. It was blank. And than I saw that he sent me something… At first I thought that it’s a picture, but it wasn’t. It was… a song. A very sad song.
And I was listening and listening. It was over and I listened to it again. And again. Because here were words. So many words, coming from sad heart. Telling me about pain. Telling me about sadness. Telling me, wispering my ear that they’re heart broken. Telling me that I am the heart-broker. And I am.
You can’t say that I am not. I had my causes, but still I was the one who said him to go. And I am the one who said that we can’t be together anymore. It wasn’t easy for me, but he was the one who had to feel all the pain, sadness and anger. And if he really loved me, he surly felt terrible.
And when he sent my that I felt what he maybe felt. That deep, deep sadness. It comes hurry and in big way, like a tsunami, but it’s silent like it doesn’t even exist. And it such a pain. It’s such a pain to hear words from someone you loved, sad words that are sad because of you.
And I don’t know why did he do that. Maybe it was his confession. Maybe he wanted only to aware me what he had felt. Or maybe not. Maybe he wanted to hurt me back. Even if I don’t wanna believe it. Maybe he wanted to revenge, maybe he wanted me to feel pain too. Maybe he didn’t wanted to be alone in all that, because in fact I was the only who broke up whit him.
But does that really matter? I hurt him, he hurt me back. If he wanted ti or not. Because if he wanted it, does that made him bad person. I know that revenge is not the right answer, but still. Maybe… maybe it is in human nature. Maybe kind of all of us would want to ‘revenge’ in situation like that.
And I hurt him. But that’s the past.
And in that moments I felt despair. But next day it was better. And today is even better. And tomorrow it will be better again. And one day, I’ll just forget.
What do you think about all that stuff? Tell me… And enjoy your life folks! 😉 ❤