Deep thoughts

Look on fear whit confidence

Hola folks!

Oh gosh. IT’S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TESTS AND EXAMS ARE GONE TO HELL!!!! WOOOOOHHOOO!!! So yeah. I guess that you are all already sick of my poems? Yes? Let’s not write a poem today. Let’s write something…bigger.


I have a…fear. One fear that I just wasn’t speaking about and I don’t really know why. I just…didn’t. You probably all know that I always wanted to be important. What I wanted wasn’t really fame. I just wanted to be remembered. I didn’t wanted people to forget me. I want to live normal and to die… Yeah remembered.

And the reason why I just don’t want fame and atenttion? Becaue I am afraid of being in a center of things. I am am afraid of attention.

Every child had shy moments, right? Lots of kids were afraid to pay ice cream to adults? Well, they weren’t really afraid. They were just shy. I was like that too. And…I still am. People say that I am funny, energetic and that I do connect whit the people. And that is true, the thing is that I am only like that to people that I know and other teens. Adults or even little kids? No.

I…I don’t really know how to explain it. But I’ll try. I sometimes go home by train. Because I don’t go often, I always pay whit money, not whit card. Before conductor comes I always think about what I will said(even if I only need to say two words) and i repeat it and repeat it as long as he doesn’t come. And I don’t really know why. While he kill me? No. Will he bit me? Probably no. Stupid right? But still… Always when I came in situations when I have to communicate whit people I don’t know I feel dumpling in my throat. Like panic. And panic always made me feel awkward, insane and stupid. This is how I see it and how it probably looks to others, even if I try to hide it.

And it’s so stupid, stupid, stupid. Because I have nothing to be afraid. And where does this fear comes from? I think that it’s not ‘being-afraid-of-what-will-pople-think-about-you‘ one. I am not afraid of that. I am confident. I a not afraid to be who I am. Maybe that’s another fear created by the past. You know that I was bullied as a kid, right? And it does come from that. It’s because even after all this years I a still afraid of people’s reactions. I sometimes feel like they are just gonna start yelling on me and being angry.

But you know folks… I am afraid, but whit confidence inside me I am on a good way to get away from this fear. I just came back from a run. While running, I saw group of pople in the horizon and they were heading into my way. At first I wanted to hide. But I decided to to the opposite.

I went on running.

And you folks? I s anybody else afraid of attention? Do you wanna share any other fears here? Tell me 🙂

-Tara

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5 thoughts on “Look on fear whit confidence

  1. I have the same fear of people thinking I’m crazy or stupid, but I don’t understand why. I know that I shouldn’t be afraid to be myself, but yet I am afraid.
    I am different from everyone else. I don’t have that many people to talk to about what I like, my problems, etc. If I tried no one would listen, or they would stare at me like I’m strange.
    Like you, this fear is triggered by my past, but my role is just the opposite. Yes, I was judged when I was younger, but when I look back I feel like I have been a bully at some point without realizing. Sometimes I want to help, but it comes out the fudging wrong way crap dang it.
    When I became alone in life, this fear grew. If I was to have friends again, would they see who I was beforehand? What about the upcoming middleshoolers? What will they think of me?
    But in trying my hardest to fight this demon. I’m trying so hard to fudging KILL IT. But I feel like it will never leave.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You seem to have a little different fear than I have, you are more afraid of what people think about you. But there is nothing wrong whit that… Our fears don’t define us. You are already fighting that demon and even if it seems impossible it will probably go away, even if it would took years. The only thing that can help you is your own confidence. If you won’t give up whit fighting you will won, I believe in you 🙂

      Like

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