Oh gosh. IT’S OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TESTS AND EXAMS ARE GONE TO HELL!!!! WOOOOOHHOOO!!! So yeah. I guess that you are all already sick of my poems? Yes? Let’s not write a poem today. Let’s write something…bigger.
I have a…fear. One fear that I just wasn’t speaking about and I don’t really know why. I just…didn’t. You probably all know that I always wanted to be important. What I wanted wasn’t really fame. I just wanted to be remembered. I didn’t wanted people to forget me. I want to live normal and to die… Yeah remembered.
And the reason why I just don’t want fame and atenttion? Becaue I am afraid of being in a center of things. I am am afraid of attention.
Every child had shy moments, right? Lots of kids were afraid to pay ice cream to adults? Well, they weren’t really afraid. They were just shy. I was like that too. And…I still am. People say that I am funny, energetic and that I do connect whit the people. And that is true, the thing is that I am only like that to people that I know and other teens. Adults or even little kids? No.
I…I don’t really know how to explain it. But I’ll try. I sometimes go home by train. Because I don’t go often, I always pay whit money, not whit card. Before conductor comes I always think about what I will said(even if I only need to say two words) and i repeat it and repeat it as long as he doesn’t come. And I don’t really know why. While he kill me? No. Will he bit me? Probably no. Stupid right? But still… Always when I came in situations when I have to communicate whit people I don’t know I feel dumpling in my throat. Like panic. And panic always made me feel awkward, insane and stupid. This is how I see it and how it probably looks to others, even if I try to hide it.
And it’s so stupid, stupid, stupid. Because I have nothing to be afraid. And where does this fear comes from? I think that it’s not ‘being-afraid-of-what-will-pople-think-about-you‘ one. I am not afraid of that. I am confident. I a not afraid to be who I am. Maybe that’s another fear created by the past. You know that I was bullied as a kid, right? And it does come from that. It’s because even after all this years I a still afraid of people’s reactions. I sometimes feel like they are just gonna start yelling on me and being angry.
But you know folks… I am afraid, but whit confidence inside me I am on a good way to get away from this fear. I just came back from a run. While running, I saw group of pople in the horizon and they were heading into my way. At first I wanted to hide. But I decided to to the opposite.
I went on running.
And you folks? I s anybody else afraid of attention? Do you wanna share any other fears here? Tell me 🙂