Hello my dearest folks 🙂 ❤
Did you ever felt like you wanted something so deeply, so, soooooo much that you would do many thing for it, but no matter what, you didn’t get it? Probably, yea… This is basically how I felt yesterday.
You know already that I am really really serious perfectionist. You’ll probably think that I am crazy
(what I am) , because I sometimes think about perfectionism as some kind of disease. I know that it’s stupid, but that thought was born in my mind, what means that it just had to be share here too. I don’t know why I sometimes just feel like that… Probably because at first I see mess my brother and sis made and I say to myself:’It’s okay. It’s just a little mess.’ And than ten seconds later I am like:’Agggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh, get that awaaaaay from meeeeee!!!! I can’t live whit it!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ -_- Because I kind of just can’t live whit any kind of mess, because it makes me nervous and sometimes panic and it puts me in bad mood. Non-perfectionist would say that I have to try to keep my thoughts away from mess. And yes, I did try. But it can’t be changed. I just am like I am.
So yeah, because of that my room is clean and not messy and organisated and everything. But you know I don’t really have my room. I have one giant(and when i say giant I mean really big) room together whit my two siblings… And everyone have her/his own part of the room. But still…. It’s not totally mine. Teens whit their own rooms would understand that hard, but I somehow so want… To, you know. Live in my own room. To have some place totally for myself. That you can be in it and enjoy to be in it and decorate it the way you want the most… That maybe sounds selfish(and it maybe is), but I just wanna have something so mine that I don’t need to share it whit anyone. Because I am kind of person who needs it’s own kingdom to express herself into… I so want my room to see it,you know, tidy, clean, and creative… It makes me feel calm.
Let’s return to the point… I said that we sometimes all wish to have things we can’t have. And this is how is it whit my room. I mean, I know that we won’t just suddenly move away. We won’t. I probably won’t ever have my own room, not as log as I live whit my parents.
Why am I even talking about that? Because while I sleep at night, I very often dream about getting my own room and when I wake up I sooooo wish to have it and I start daydreaming about how would my own room look like…. And in my mind it looks so amazing and wonderful that it hurts, because I know that i won’t ever have it. But when I dreamed about that again at yesterday’s night, I decided to change something. It seemed that I wasn’t happy whit my part and that’s why I decided to turn some thing around…
I mean, I have it okay before, but you know, things can get boring for me hurry…sometimes… So, I added some lights and some other nice things and it looks so different. I realized that even small and only part of room can get beautiful, if you want so, and if you make it so.
And I don’t mean that only for rooms. That was only an example. It’s like whit that for many things in life, like wanting to win on a competition, wanting to write a book, wanting to lose weight, wanting to be good at running, wanting to be good actor or whatever your dreams, hopes and goals in life are.
We sometimes have to look on them realistic. And sometimes that is when new doors open to us.
How about you? Do you have some things in your mind you can’t get whit into realitty? or did you thought so, but in the end make it happen? tell me in comments… And have a good day folks ❤