Hello folks 🙂
I just woke up(it’s 11.00 am here) because I was up to hm… 2, 3am? Yup. S0000, I still have some time before my family comes home so I decided to write this now. I said that I have done some thinking so I wanna make some things clear now. So, let’s do it.
You know as a kid I was always the one who…. I was always someone who didn’t ever do anything right. I was someone who…who was the bad. In all things. Whit out friends. The one who always got 1+1 or 4-3 wrong. The one who didn’t even hit the wall whit ball at PE. My parents were told that I can’t remember easy things and that I can’t do logical things all other kids in my class did. But however, I have a lot of words on that already.
I’m glad I have parents I have. Because t hey didn’t believe those teachers telling them that their kid is…not like she should be. They didn’t believed. And I am so happy for that. As they told me, I was always a happy kid around them. Always singing, jumping and laughing, playing whit toys, drawing…
However, my parents knew that I may not be good at maths, but they gave me a lot of other chances to be good at things. They showed me, that everyone is good for one thing or even more. They knew that I love singing. They sent me to chorus. And they made me train judo. They did heard that I am bad a t sports, but that wasn’t true(I mean, if you can’t hit the wall whit a ball as a 6-years old that doesn’t mean, that you can’t run fast or jump long!).
So I am still into that. I’m not good at maths. But I can sing. I can sing pretty good. I am not bad at running and jumping. I am good at judo. I am good at writing. But you know, words you hear as a kid stay in your head. Some people think:’Meh, it’s just a kid. How will he remember what I say?’. And other kids yous thought:’Oh look, a LOSER!!! HAHAHAHA! Let’s make fun from her!!!’. But in the end they are probably the ones that don’t remember things that THEY said. Not after so many years. But I do.
I have told you many times that I am ambitious and that i can be greedy about winning. But is that because I just am like that? Because that was always somewhere deep inside me. No. It wasn’t ever my fault. It was because I was always bullied as loser. It was because I was always the bad one in everything a a kid. And I know that in this times… I promised to myself that they words are empty. I will show them one day. i will show them how wrong were they.
And this is the thing. You know, maybe it doesn’t really matter, because in the end I wanna be the best and remembered anyway. But it somehow just seemed important for me to tell that. It’s not my fault. And that it never was. All that wasn’t some of my personality traits in the every start. It came out year ago. It’ exploded. And maybe this is not really ‘my personality trait’. Maybe it was just promise to myself i suddenly remembered while ago. Because after writing that all down… I almost don’t feel ambitious anymore. And maybe I won’t be anymore one day.