Hello folks 🙂
Today it was my first day of school. I have mixed feelings about it, not only about the first day more about whole school year that is coming. Anyway, it was good to see my a little stupid schoolmates(as I said) some kind and cool teachers, but I am still waiting to see my famous terrible chem witch(Chemistry is tomorrow, wish me luck)… Of course we already have maths homework-___-… But okay. Let’s get to the point.
I said that I have mixed feelings about this school year. Don’t get me wrong. I love being whit my schoolmates most of them are really awesome. And it’s also not our chem witch(even if I am NOT looking forward about enjoying her lessons). I just seem to be afraid of last year repeating. Of course at first was cool and awesome I was on almost all judo trainings, school was going really good, I had good grades. My hobbies and work were all under my control.
And than after March… Everything started falling out. Everything was wrong, suddenly. There were so many things to do. There was school exams and tests. There was practice competition almost every day. There were judo trainings every day. And than loads of appearances of chorus and drama club and guitar. The thing is that I love to do d so many things. I found myself in sports, especially judo. I found myself in singing. And there was also guitar, drama club, debate… And you know, I love all of this things. Like, very very much. I am doing them almost since I came to school.
No shit that I was going insane. Just check out my April and may posts. You will see for yourself. When I listen to Coldplay: Fix you I so remember on this times.
When you try your best, but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
Could it be worse?
I remember when I woke up and I was like Oh shit not again. And I was lying in m bed for several more minutes what is really not normal for me. When I hear my alarm clock in the morning I normally jump up because I am always worried that I will be late(witch I am never(never by my fault 🙂 )). In school my head was hurting, I didn’t even tried to write nice. I was on judo only three times a week. When I came home I was so tired. Of everything. Of school, judo, chorus, drama, guitar. I was tired from pretending that my head doesn’t hurt. So I normally just fell on my bed and I cried. Just that. Than I started learning again.
Then I was on judo trainig one day. And we had fights and not only that I was in panic, I was… I don’t know. I was sad and angry and tired from this everythings. And after training finished I was just trying not to cry. I was looking up to the lights, wanting my tears to sink back. I didn’t wanted to show not a little weakness. But however, my trainer saw me. She always sees. She always knows.(Maybe she is a Jedi, I dunno). However she came to me and said:’Tara. Don’t try to do it all.’ She also said that I should not come to training tomorrow. And I didn’t. And I was so happy. Finally someone didn’t just said Don’t worry, it will get better. Just try your best now.
I am a stubborn person. Really. When I begin, I won’t stop. I believe hard. I try hard. I don’t give up. But that is not always good. Sometimes it’s better to just stop. For a while. And close eyes. To STOP. Sometimes… Sometimes brave are the ones who don’t try to do it all. Ones who know where to stop. Where are this limits. People who know that here are times when you have to stop fighting because you have done enough already or because you are not able to do more than this.
So, my biggest goal for this year will be to learn when to stop. I will discover if my words are empty or I really did learned something. An I tell you people. To you. For you. Don’t wreck yourself. Don’t destroy yourself. Don’t try to do it all.
Anyone whit the same thoughts? Do you agree? What are your experiences about that?
Have a good day 🙂