I’m back, yaaaaaaaay. I am planning to tell you more about where I was tomorrow or in next days, because today I wanna talk about something a way different.
I said that I am a purple person. I said that this is because I am a mix of red and blue. Red is me while I am confident. Red is me when I am happy. Red is me when I am angry. To most of people I am red, I could of say that easily. To you I am purple. And to Loti, my sister. And to Summer. And to few others. Because they are the ones that see my…blue side.
And what do this, this blue side represent to me…? It represents kind of…sadness. But not sadness in despair way. I don’t feel despair anymore. I have felt it…before. Before many things. And after them. But than it stopped. Because even word sadness doesn’t really speaks to me about my feels. I would say I am… Full of melancholy. It’s this type of sadness when you are sitting on your bed and whole world of everything is around you. And your bed is a little boat. In endless ocean.
I know that this must make you feel like I am really sad… But you see. It’s melancholy. And I won’t say that this, this melancholy. makes me feel bad. It doesn’t. Not really. It’s so hard to explain. Maybe it really is unexplainable. When I am alone… I am on this boat. On this sea. And yes, sometimes I am alone, not because people would left me… More because this is what I want. Because I feel good standing on this boat and catching balance. And because I don’t fall… I feel so powerful there.
There. There. It’s my own place. No one can’t get there without my permission. Because I am this world’s creator. And there are people living in my world. And there are cities. Towns, Villages. Waterfalls. Brave warriors. Fallen angels. And more oceans. And their big big world lives in my head.
And I said powerful. I can create…. So many things there. I can create army of million devils. Walls. Around places I don’t want wrong people to find. I can make a world beautiful. I can make happily ever after ending for everyone. I can build an infinity. And when I do that it feels like magic. Like a true true magic. But there is much more darkness in this magic….. This is why I don’t feel crazily happy about everything. This is why I am fill with melancholy. Because I can have everything. I can do whatever. I can live in whatever, wherever. With…whoever. But I don’t. Because it’s not real. It wasn’t ever real. It’s never going to be.
And you see, this is why I am blue. Because I know that some dreams are just dreams and will always be that. But I still dare to dream. This dreams, this hopes that never came true filled me with melancholy. So now always when I am in my world I feel it. But it’s not a bad feel as I said. Why? Because I got used to it.
People that think that they know me, but they don’t in true will say that I am one happy person. Remember? The girl who was always happy. But If you do know me… I am kind of always listening to sad songs. And it’s nothing wrong with that isn’t it? because this is me. This is my blue side. You already know my red side. I am purple together. And…I’m totally fine with that.