I have to say that I am kinda open to some people. They can read me. Even if I don’t wanna open they will still see my pages and read my words, black on white. I have to admit that this is to me very…helpful. Those people make me feel like I am home, because when I am with them I can be full Tara filled with strange-weird Tara-style thoughts. And why? Why do i feel like that around them? Because… I have no secrets. Because I am me and me and I am not coming to them wrapped into shadows.
I think I haven’t told you yet, but I’m getting glasses. You know that I had pretty bad eye injury last year(if you don’t check this out). However, my vision on left eye turned from 90% to 60% so I will have to wear glasses that my eye won’t get more bad. Last Friday I went to town and I was choosing glasses with my mum. I tried many many many of them, but none didn’t fit. But once there were ones… They are in a calm blue to grey to black shades and…they were a lot of better than others. When I looked at this ones I turned to my mum, wanting to see what she thinks. And she said:’Yes, Tara…those are very cool.’ And i asked than:’Why?’ She said that they look so pretty…and mysterious.
I am a mysterious person. Maybe you won’t say it on first sight, but in true I am. People don’t know me, they just think that they do. Some. Others aren’t looking on me in that way. There are kinds of people like Johann. He looks at me and his look clearly says:’Who the heck are you Tara? In true?‘. Yes, I can read him. I can know what he sometimes thinks I know him good enough for that. And the point is that he also knows me good enough to know that my picture…is not always me.
In school I am one mysterious person. I don’t only see Johann wandering about who hides after my face. I can see Tina wandering. I can see one girl from another class wandering. But they don’t know.
Don’t think that this is my… smile-faking thing. If I am sad I am sad that’s it i show it. But it’s the way I joke all the time, in that funny and childish way. And they see me so, so… frivolous. And than once, Tina wanted to read my essay about emotions and somethingelseIdon’tremember. And I say how impressed she was and not because I am a good writer or something. Because she saw how serious and wise I can be at times… And the same with Johann. When I am talking with him about sports(you can almost only talk with him about sports, he looooooooooves swimming) and he seemed to notice different me too. And they both saw me this day when our chem witch ‘attacked’ me with yelling. And they said this thing… That it will be okay.
I am wandering…Is everyone like that. Does everyone hide? I have so didvided world I have so big secrets. But everyone do hide, right?
I left some people wandering about who I am and they won’t probably ever know. But you see, maybe we all do that all the time. Maybe we just don’t know it…some secrets always stay secrets. Maybe I am just one of them.