Hello folks 🙂
Yup I am back today. After reading your kind comments recently something made me need to write another blog post.
I know that you know that I had some bad days lately. Some were better. Some were just terrible. What made me really happy… My good results on Biology and History competition. The fact that we reached 500 followers(wohha, half K??).
While I was reading comments I realized something. I realized, finally and truly, that with my blog I am not only letting out my thoughts and feelings. I can also help people with what I am doing. I can actually make some people feel…better. And this made me feel so warm and actually happy. To know that even if I have done many mistakes and I am far from perfection I am important. And I am valuable.
Many times I found myself thinking about the fact that I am not good enough. Not good enough for my parents, my teachers, my trainers, myself. When I was younger I was constantly feeling worthless in front of others. Because I felt different in a negative way.
I am different. I mean, everybody is. Some people just stick out of the crowd a little louder. Because I am not so quick at learning things and I just need some time to think about them I felt like I am dumb, un-smart, stupid. But heck, it showed up that my strange way of thinking can see some things that are unseen to many others. It made me think about the world. It made me dreamer. It made me explode if you give me colors and paint brushes. It made me good at writing.
On 5.12.2016, three days ago was important day. It was one year since I woke up in the morning and I saw first comments under my every first blog post. It wasn’t on this blog. It was on the blog I was writing on Slovenian internet page. But it was the first time I actually let out my thoughts.
One yea ago I was worried about a writing competition. I was so afraid that I will lose to Tina. I was afraid that my writing, the thing I had for mine, the thing that med me talented will be unseen again. Because I was so sick of feeling like a stupid shadow.
Today everything is different. We have this competition again tomorrow. Thoughts? I don’t really care. I would love to win, of course. But I wouldn’t mind loosing too. Reasons? I don’t really know. Maybe all that happened, all the words and pages I wrote and all the notes I sang just made me grow. Maybe they made me so much stronger.
I said it before, but I don’t mind repeating it. Something in me got broken. Sometimes I can see shards falling. Sometimes I can feel the tears coming out of my eyes. And sometimes I am full of sadness, anger and hate.
But I showed that I can be brave and I can be strong. Strong enough, brave enough, good enough.