I love the feeling

Hello folks 🙂

There are times when everything that we do seems wrong. They way we speak, they way we listen, the way we don’t say a thing; It all seems like we are isolated from everything in beyond, like the whole world is watching us out of the bulletproof glass.

Sometimes it’s like you need to smile, because if you don’t you know that your tears will fall and everybody will ask you what is wrong. And sometimes it’s like all you want is to scream, but you just smile. And we end our sentences, they just fade, they just disappear in the every middle. Words are beautiful. But sometimes words are not enough. Sometimes words cannot explain.

So we run. And we have to find something that offers us an escape. I have found several escapes for me. But my favourite is the most un-expectable. Those are fights on judo competition. I come to moments when I am full of stage fright. But something inside me, something that keeps telling me that I shouldn’t be afraid transforms this fright into something else. And this else lights me up. This else is that thing that makes Summer say that I look like my eyes are burning.

And the reason I burn so much is not only my want to win a fight. It’s all inside off me. All my happiness. All my sadness. All my anger, so much of it. It’s like everything that happened rolles up in front of my eyes and make me feel so much all at once. And it makes me explode.

I know it’s strange. But when I fight on judo competitions, I usually don’t remember much of it after it’s over. Just some small details. Because I really do escape. Because I don’t think. I just go. I just  lean on my feelings and give it all. If I win or I lose. I let it all go.

And I love the feeling.

-Tara