My head is so full. My head is so empty. All at once. I don’t know what to say. It seems like I have started this post for thousands of times, but deleted it, all over again and again. What do you do when you once catch your breath? Tell me; I would like to know. Should I start running again. Should I look around and pick another path.
But nah, I am not picking a new path. Finally, something feels okay. Finally, something inside of me feels sure and right and just okay. Because there is something bright beyond me. And my future is starting now.
I was feeling so miserable yesterday that even judo training couldn’t put me in a better mood. And somehow, I found it impossible to connect my mind with my body. Well, I did, but it was all just rushing out in anger. To me, it means nothing; Even though I win.
But when it was over and we were all sitting around, I just layed on the ground. I opened my eyes and I so lights above me, to bright. But than I heard someone sitting next to me. And it was Leo asking me how I feel. I wanted to smile, I wanted to say okay or fine but no more lies could get out of my mouth. And Leo asked me if I’m angry and I asked how does he know. Than, other people started to yell, so I didn’t quite heard anything.Than he switched our conversation on other things, like anime. And the good things is that I was actually happy, without any shade of worry or anger.
And no good results on history competition, solo in my chorus, nothing gives happiness, not at all. I feel so cold about it all. Expect for Leo. I would like to write a novel about it. I would like to write a thousand words to explain how does Leo make me feel. But I will just say this: Leo makes me happy.
I like to go back and feel a warmth of his hand in mine, my head on his shoulder. I like to go back into the laughs and words and stay in them, forever.
“You would love to fly”, he once said.
“How do you know”, I replied.
“Because you always draw angels.”