So, I wasn’t feeling very well recently what probably caused the fact that I wasn’t really posting much. I just felt so low, tired and without energy that even inspiration and daydreaming that are usually filling my brain kinda left me.
Even though I got sick yesterday(which is not the best part of it), I felt like I finally relaxed a little. Or at least, this is how I feel while watching Fairy Tail(omggggggggg, this anime is sooooooo good, I’m in loveeeee) and eating chocolate cake for the whole day 🙂 .
Tomorrow is just an average Friday, right? Right. Unless, you live in Slovenia, you are 14 or 15 years old and you are attending last class of elementary school. And if you actually do belong in this small percentage of humanity than okay, maybe tomorrow is an important day. The reason why I am putting those lines here is because I am in this small percentage of humanity. Because tomorrow I will kind of be clear about which high school I am going to attend in next school year.
I will go to see a few schools that I will in the end maybe decide to go to. And I know clearly that after tomorrow I will know the answer on the question I’ve been thinking about for so long. Because I know that tomorrow, as I will lye awake in my bed again, my mind will be focused on one point in my future.
And am I afraid? Oh yes, I can admit that I am a little bit scared of how will my final decision affect my future, my whole life. Also, I know that this day when I’ll end with one very long chapter of my life is coming soon and I am human and humans fear the unknown. I don’t know what’s out there. I don’t know what awaits me. I don’t know how it will be like when one day I’ll be sitting in my classroom and Tris won’t rush in ten seconds before the start. I don’t know how it will be like when I won’t hear Ananya’s quiet whispering of songs she likes when she’s bored or how will it be without Tina’s obsessed eyes when she reads a good book. I don’t know how it will be like when Johann won’t come in the class with those dark circles under his eyes and half wet hair, because of early swimming training or how it will be when there won’t be my class being nervous and afraid of our evil chem teacher anymore. All the normal things will broke and fade…away.
But also, humans are curious about unknown things, even though they are afraid. So I guess I’ll try it out, it’s not like I have a choice anyway… But you know what? I know that it will probably be hard to leave such a big part of my life. But I’ll leave a part of hell with it too, right? Plus, who knows how awesome people I can meet? Who knows what will happen? Nobody, so I will have to see it myself…
I sometimes feel so old inside, with all the things I’ve felt and all the answers I already found. But yet, I’m still just a child. And I don’t know yet. And I enjoy running wild and falling on my way to catch them and being so young and reckless. I know what I want, but this knowings were all just my dreams. But now…they’ll seem so much closer.