There is actually one other reason why I didn’t write my blog that much in past month. If we leave the skyscrapers of school work I had, I can say that I was also writing my so called novel.It’s been a dream of mine to write a book since I was 8 years old. I remember that in this age I realized that writing is something I love and I could actually get somehow…good at it.
People use to say that I am quite a daydreamer… And it’s true, sometimes I just flow somewhere else with my mind, without any special intent to. It feels like when something inspires me, it just sticks in my head and won’t let me rest till I put it on a paper with my pencil or type it down on laptop.
And the truth is that sometimes I just fall into my dreams without wanting to, but sometimes it’s an escape too. Because when I feel miserable it’s sometimes so much better to not deal with any of my feelings and emotions, because I totally brake down. When something angers me I just put it away, because I take my emergency escape to somewhere where my anger doesn’t exist.
When I was 11 I started with my first ‘longer writing piece’. And I actually wrote…quite a lot. But over a year my old writing seemed so childish and cliche to me, that I just couldn’t write it on. So I changed…everything. The characters, story.
Since than I never really had the courage to start again for real. The problem was that I was doubting. To be honest, I thought that my writing isn’t good enough to write a novel. So I was just writing here, wanting to get better and better at it. And you know what? I really improved my writing.
And it’s hard…you have to be careful in the way you write things, so you don’t tell too much, but yet not to little. And it’s a lot to write and sometimes everything seems so wrong that you want to throw it all away… But it’s so beautiful too. The way you can paint feelings or hair waving in the wind. The fact that you make your own world under your own sky and breathe the air no one else can. The way you create a brand new little universe. It’s kind of beauty that is pretty hard to explain.
So that’s why I decided that it’s time to start again. Even if it’s all over again.Because this is something I dreamed of and something I love…to represent the stories I was keeping inside me for years and make them more real.