Did you ever ask yourself how fast our thoughts are? It’s an interesting question. I asked Leo and he said that it’s probably a little bit slower than the speed of light. And I can partly agree.
Sometimes our thoughts are slow, without any need to move away, no matter how much we want them to disappear. Forever. I felt how slow they can be last November when I couldn’t take it anymore and I totally broke down. Because you know what is more dangerous and a way more painful than falling from the highest mountain. It’s loving someone who doesn’t love you back.
I never knew the pain of heartbreaks before, I didn’t quite believed in them. I believed that I don’t need anyone at all, I thought that I’ll just walk away from this sorrowful thoughts in my head, like they’re nothing, like they don’t seem like lasting forever.
But I was wrong. No matter how strong you are, when your heart breaks it’s like the wholedamn sky has fall stright onto your head and tear you down, into dirt. It’s such a sadness, such a madness rolling in the slowlines. And days just seem so long and pain in waves, emptiness in chest seems like it won’t ever go away. The same words in your head, repeating all over again.
But again, thoughts can be pretty fast. Sometimes we make decisions with our hearts, so hurry and blindly that our minds don’t even register it. And from those thoughts, so fast that our mind cannot catch come foolish and some very beautiful things.
One month ago I had my arm injured. To be honest it hurt like a lot and i was on judo competition. And when one girl wanted to throw me I knew that I could catch myself on my hands, but I didn’t, because I knew my injury would get worse. because I had to follow the orders my trainer gave me. You know…she just said to me that I don’t need to hurt myself even more. And I followed her orders automatical, I didn’t even think about anything else as an option. So I lost.
And I remember when I was in the middle of a fight on judo competition a few hours ago and I was feeling tired as hell and my throat felt kinda like it’s gonna burn. But Something inside me shouted it all away, thoughts that kept me awake. So I won.
And I still feel how I gripped Leo’s hand and I knew that maybe I shouldn’t. I knew that a lot of people were watching us. And its’ not like I didn’t care… I just couldn’t help myself, i just couldn’t the amazing speed of my thoughts that didn’t get any a idea of letting his hand go. So I didn’t.
We really are strange. We build machines, cars, we do everything that we can go fast, fast, fast… But it’s our thoughts that are faster, faster than any kind of plane that we built.
And we run and run into the unknown with our thoughts faster.