Just shut up

Hello my folks!!! ❤

Yesterday, our evil chem teacher saw Tina and me sitting somewhere. She came to us and asked Tina how was on competition in maths. She said that not so good, because she had only 33 points from 40. And than our witch for chem start saying that it’s totally OKAY, because she tried her best. Than she went away, ignoring me. Like I don’t exist.

It’s only because I don’t win on every competition. It’s only because I don’t have 100% on test of Chemistry. She was jelling at me. She was is telling me that she expected more from me. She’s staying there, telling me that I don’t know what hard work is. Telling me that I should look at Tina and be like her. before every chemistry lesson I actually felt fear. Don’t understand me wrong, I wasn’t truly afraid of the teacher. I was afraid of feeling bad because of her.

But last times that changed. I am not afraid anymore. Why….? I think that it’s because I know now that is her problem for seeing me like that, not mine. If she wanna think that I am lazy and dumb than ok, because I know that I am not. In true it just doesn’t matter what one fat old evil woman thinks about me, right?  she doesn’t have any a idea about how busy person I am. She doesn’t know that I have MORE work than Tina.  She doesn’t know that my head is hurting all the time. She doesn’t have any a idea about what I have been trough. She doesn’t knows anything about me. So how she even dares to judge me?

I don’t know. Are some people just like that? Do some people just want others to be sad and angry.

I am not afraid anymore, because I know all that. But when she do or say something like that I always get angry, I can’t help myself. She is not even worth of my feelings, but i am still feeling that anger. That hate. I can’t just say:’No, now I will not be angry.’ I just can’t, I am just a human, not superhuman. I can control my feelings, but sometimes they are just to powerful for me to handle.

I am just wondering how can one person be so… Mean? Bad? Evil? When she was talking to Tina I felt this invisible sign on her forehead saying: Yesssss, Tara, I am ignoring you, because you are not even worth of my sight. you are dumb and stupid, because you have 4 in Chemistry…. And yes, how dare you sit near Tina? She is so much better than you….’ And than I just wonder…. Is that really what she meant? Or is that ‘sign’ only my mind? A little part of my mind coming up, time to time?

Whatever, if she meant it, I am angry, but I don’t care. No, not for her. Because she doesn’t hurt me. She doesn’t make me sad or to feel pain. Just anger. Hate.

Do you folks have experience whit people like my chem teacher is? Share that whit me, if ya want 😉

-Tara