Goodbyes and forevers

Hello.

You know the part of the story when you say that it’s forever, but then it’s not? It’s the saddest part of every story, not just in love, in everything. Eventually, everything ends one day, if you want your forever or no.

But gosh, even though I still want that freaking forever you know? I sometimes just want to freeze where I am standing, freeze my feelings when they are beautiful and get rid of them when they are not. And when we want something so much that our other words cannot explain and when we wanna escape so badly that it hurts we use that word, forever. We don’t really know what it is, some of us believe in it, some not. But inside, we all want to at some point. Don’t we? An it’s not stupid, it’s not foolish. It’s…human like. Whatever that means to you.

The reason why I am writing this is because I decided to stop blogging.

And my decision is not based on giving in; My goal in blogging wasn’t to get 10000 followers… After writing so much up here I realized that all I wanted was to be heard.

And I was heard wasn’t I?

Recently I realized that my passion for being heard driven me to where I am now, to this blog. Because I just wanted to write here and do that forever. But forevers aren’t forever. They are forever as long as you hold onto them; When you once let them go, they fly and they don’t return. Like ballons… You look after them after you leave them to float into the sky, but eventually…they disappear.

My purpose for this blog is filled. I did all I wanted to. A lot of changed with this blog, a lot changed because of this blog.

And you know what I realized?

That I am a very cold person on the outside, but very sensitive on the inside. I might look like I just want to punch you in the face, but in true I wouldn’t ever brake someone on purpose. I realized that I have fire in my eyes and armor around m chest to hide my glassy heart…

 

And oh, you can love flowers, even though you are allergic on them. And eventually our hearts will brake, they will melt into pieces all over again… But again we will find the ones that will understand our freaking shards.

Also, I started writing fanfiction because I figured that I am a bit too obsessed with all my fandoms. I don’t care what people say… I’m loving it.

And I have a boyfriend now. Haha, it sound so funny to say that, it sound funny when I think that behind this phrase is written Leo’s name… I think that I finally understand what love is. It’s not like I was in love ever before. Because it’s just so different… It’s like, when you love somebody they are the most beautiful in the way of beautiful, even if no one else would agree. You know it when all their mistakes and imperfections are in your eyes…still perfect.

And how long will my fanfiction or my relationship last, I cannot say. I want it to be forever. Till you never know what awaits…

-Tara